Jaken The Child Minder
by BlondeGurl9
Summary: Jaken is an unsuccessful nanny who is hired by the powerful businessman, Sesshomaru and his his wife, Kikyo, to take care of their children, Rin and Kohaku. He is to accompany them on their vacation to Hawaii, but lots of things go very wrong for poor Jaken. Especially when the two-headed dragon deity of the island, Ah-Uh, takes a sudden liking to him and refuses to leave his side.
1. The Boat Ride To Hawaii

**Hey everyone, this is my first story and collab with HappyCookiie, we are both very excited to write this story! It is set in modern day times and the family consists of Sesshomaru (the father), Kikyo (the mother), Rin (the daughter and the youngest) and Kohaku (the son). Jaken is a professional child minder who comes from a well known and successful babysitting company but is not that good of a nanny himself. Please enjoy the story and review if you can!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.**

* * *

Chapter One

Loud vomiting noises came from deep inside the ferry toilets and echoed out all over the large, luxury cruise line. Jaken was suffering from a terrible case of sea sickness again, like every other time he was traveling to a distant location. His round little face was a disgusting shade of green, exactly like the colour of his vomit, but it was always that colour anyway so it was hard to really tell the difference.

He groaned as he exited the boat restrooms and staggered over the moving floor that was being rocked by the waves of the sea. "RIN?!" he shouted, peeking in every room he passed, searching desperately for one of two children that he had been hired as a nanny to take care of.

"Jaken?" Kikyo's gentle voice came from just down the rocking corridor as she walked down to meet the sickly looking water imp.

Jaken sighed mentally. Kikyo had tired of Inuyasha's stupidity and ignorance so she had cheated on him with his own brother who she then married shortly afterwards. Women.

"There you are. Where are Rin and Kohaku?" she asked, "Isn't it your job as a professional babysitter to take care of them?"

Jaken rubbed his head awkwardly, "Oh uh.. miss Kikyo! Well I um.. might have maybe possibly partially... lost them somewhere... on deck." Kikyo's eyes widened in concern for her children, making Jaken panic at her worried face. "But I'll find them immediately!" he shrieked, "Don't you worry about them, I'm working on it!"

* * *

Sesshomaru was pacing around in the ship's reception, waiting for his wife to return from checking on their children and the pathetic and slimy, poor excuse for a nanny they had been forced to hire as he was the only one available for holidays.

A few minutes later, Jaken came bounding into the reception, panting heavily and _without Rin and Kohaku with him! _What had the stupid fool done with the pair of them!? Surely he could not have lost them.. AGAIN!? He seemed to lose them more than he found them!

"Jaken," he snarled menacingly, "Where are Rin and Kohaku at?"

"Mister Sesshomaru! Well, um, uh I uh…." he stuttered, trying to piece the sentence together in his head without being killed on the spot.

"You didn't lose them again, did you?"

"I'm so very sorry, sir! Please forgive me, I shall find them this instant I swear!"" he screamed, bowing his head and pleading for his insignificant life. How puny and pathetic he looked just lying there on his knees and crying. Ha, some nanny.

Sesshomaru held up his closed fist and pointed it in Jaken's direction, he hesitated. "I do not have the time to punish you at this precise moment, but if you fail to find Rin and Kohaku then I definitely will find the time to so." And with that threat, he turned and left in pursuit of Kikyo.

* * *

"Okay Rin, we finally managed to ditch that annoying nanny of ours, mister Jaken! Should we go and find mom and dad now that he'll be busy searching for us?" Kohaku asked his little sister from hiding behind a pile of crates. When he received no answer, he turned his head in confusion and saw that Rin was nowhere in sight. "Rin?" he asked, "Where did you go?"

A low creak began to sound from behind the wooden crates and drawed closer to where he was hiding. He shuddered and ducked his head down low, these footsteps certainly did not belong to Rin. He noticed a metal pipe beside him and picked it up in order to defend himself, just in case it was a psychopathic murder trying to kill him... or a scary girl from his class who like many others was in love with him.

Interuppting his trail of thoughts, a tall figure peeked around the crates and saw him sitting there with the pipe in his hands. He let out a very girly scream as he covered his eyes and waited for death.

"What are you doing, dear? Aren't you supposed to stay with Jaken?"

He opened his eyes and looked up to find Kikyo staring down at him in confusion towards his strange actions. He laughed awkwardly and put the pipe down slowly.

She looked around briefly and asked, "Is Rin with you?"

"No, she's nowhere! One minute she was with me, and then the next she was gone! Please help me find her, mom!"

* * *

Jaken was walking along the top deck of the boat, still searching everywhere for Rin and Kohaku, when he bumped into a little boy wearing a red cap and a Ranma 1/2 T-Shirt. Uh, he should have bought an Inuyasha one, that was clearly the better show - as it starred the greatest actor of all time... HIM.

The little boy pushed him roughly and knocked him over. "Excuse me!?" Jaken screamed, pulling himself back up, "Watch where you're going next time, you pest!" But as soon as the words left his mouth, he felt bad as he had just offended all of pestkind.

"Shut up, short stuff!" the boy yelled back, re-adjusting his cap over his eyes like Ash Ketchum from Pokémon. What a wannabe trainer he was.

Jaken stomped his foot on the ground, "SHORT STUFF!? FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I HAVE BEEN CALLED A HEALTHY, GROWING INDIVIDUAL WHO ALWAYS EATS HIS VEGETABLES! I BET YOU ATE TOO MANY SEEING AS YOU LOOK LIKE A GIANT, WALKING BEAN POLE!" he screeched, "Oh and another thing... RANMA 1/2 SUCKS IN COMPARISON TO INUYASHA!"

The boy stepped back in horror at what the imp had just said, "How dare you! Ranma 1/2 will always be the greatest anime of all time! Screw Inuyasha!" he yelled.

Oh no he didn't! That was the very last straw! If he hated Inuyasha that much then he didn't deserve to play a part in this story! He would have to be erased immediately! So he grabbed the young boy by his Ranma 1/2 shirt and…..

* * *

Sesshomaru had no idea in the slightest where either Rin or Kohaku could have disappeared to, so he decided to go to the ship's customer service and ask the lady behind the counter if she had seen any of them.

He gave her these descriptions;

Jaken – An ugly, walking frog with wee stained trousers and smells of broccoli.

Kikyo – A beautiful young woman with long, black flowing hair and smells like expensive, flowered perfume.

Rin – A pretty looking young girl with an orange checked summer dress and a cute little straw hat covering her head.

Kohaku – A snobby looking young boy with his hair in a silly ponytail that he should have cut off at the hairdressers many many years ago.

"I know where the walking frog is, he's with the captain because he threw a young boy over board in anger." the lady explained, "Something to do with an argument over Ranma 1/2 or something."

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow and slammed his fists together, "When I get my hands on him, I will beat him so hard his eyeballs will roll out of their sockets and onto the floor, where the ants and bettles with feast upon them."

The woman looked slightly afraid at his threat as she coughed quietly. Just what kind of a person was this man!?

The captain's voice echoed throughout the ship over the intercom, "We're docking in five minutes so can someone please come and collect this smelly frog that assaulted a poor young boy wearing a Ranma 1/2 shirt. He is very traumatized over his expetience with the Hawaiian sharks."

Just as Sesshomaru was about to walk off to collect Jaken he caught sight of Rin leaving the female toilets and called her over to him. She ran over right away and hugged his leg tightly. "Where have you been, Rin?" he asked, "You have been missing for the entirety of the voyage."

"Forgive me, daddy! I needed to go number two but I couldn't do it with anyone watching me, so I snuck off on my own and did my business in peace." she chirped, "You're not angry are you?"

Jaken had been collected by Kikyo and Kohaku and walked over to Sesshomaru and his daughter just in time to hear their conversation. He burst out laughing, only to receive a big punch on the head from Sesshomaru. "Owowow.." he groaned, rubbing the lump in his crown.

The lady from customer service stepped back in horror, what and abusive man this fellow was! Should she report him!?

The sound of the intercom echoed again, "We have docked! Now get off my ship so I can watch the new episode of Ranma 1/2 in peace!"

Jaken stomped his foot in frustration, why was everyone so obsessed with Ranma 1/2!? It wasn't even that good of a show! Urrgh it made his blood boil.

So the passengers of the boat happily exited the voyage calmly and stepped out into the Hawaiian island. Well everyone apart from Jaken, who skipped down the stairs and fell flat on his face in a pile of sloppy looking mud.

* * *

**Don't get us wrong, we have absolutely nothing against Ranma 1/2, in fact we both rather like the show! But not as much as Inuyasha of course ;) Thank you for reading the first cha****pter, please review if you enjoyed it! See you next time! When the family is finally on the island and can enjoy the vacation to its fullest.**


	2. Hula Dancing Is Sticky Business

**Second chapter here! The holiday continues with the family and poor Jaken who can't seem to get anything right. Enjoy his failures over and over again in his Hawaiian adventure with the man who gives him more discipline than his own mother would. Thank you for the review LongHairedMan :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.**

* * *

Chapter Two

The harsh sunlight streamed down onto the white and sandy beaches of Hawaii, as the family finally began to enjoy the holiday, even if they were stuck with the silly nanny imp, Jaken. The sky was a bright capri blue colour and was completely cloud-free, it reflected onto the calm ocean and the mellow light danced over the large, liquid mirror.

Sesshomaru was relaxing on a straw, checked deck chair with a glass of champagne in his right hand and his bare chest out, allowing the sun to gently tan his fine, toned skin. He took a quick sip of his drink and smiled at his wife, who was sitting at his side rubbing sun lotion onto his shoulder.

Jaken plodded over to the married couple and asked for the waterproof umbrella, just as a precaution in case it rained. 'You can never be too careful' he thought.

Rin raised an eyebrow at his odd question and laughed heartily, "Oh mister Jaken. We're on a luxury holiday, where the weather is almost guaranteed to be sunny every day. So, why on earth would you need a waterproof umbrella here of all places?" she asked.

"The only think you'll see falling from the sky here: is ashes from the volcano!" a random man yelled, approaching them and laughing at the imp's horrified expression, "And if you anger the island's deity, it'll come after you and make you suffer its wrath by setting off an eruption or giving you divine punishment itself!"

"D-D-D-Deity!? W-Wrath!?" Jaken whimpered, hiding behind Kohaku who sighed at him, "We should leave this cursed island at once, mister Sesshomaru! It sounds dangerous!"

Ignoring the randomer's exclamation, Sesshomaru looked him up and down and scoffed at his foul nakedness, "Your body lacks the requirements needed for an attractive one." he stated bluntly, "Do not believe me? Simply take a look at my fully developed abs." He rubbed his toned stomach and traced the lines of his firm muscles, making the man feel ugly and unfit.

Kikyo giggled at his comment as she reached out to feel his muscular upper arms, "No-one has a body as nice as yours, honey." she winked in a flirtatious manor, recieving an amused smirk from her husband.

Sesshomaru pulled his wife closer towards him and kissed her, making Rin and Kohaku stick out their tongues in disgust and for the man to sulk off because he felt awkward and unimportant.

Jaken however was far too busy running around screaming uncontrollably, "HE SAID VOLCANO AND A DEITY'S WRATH! WE'RE GOING TO DIE!" he shrieked, running around Rin and Kohaku's newly built, giant sand castle. They stared at him as he fell flat into the sandy kingdom and began to pray to the Gods for his life. Why was he bothering when he was going to lose it at Sesshomaru's hand anyway?

Finally pulling away from Kikyo, Sesshomaru turned to the pathetic babysitter and sighed inwardly. "Jaken, this volcano has failed to erupt for centuries now. And as for the deity.. it will be nothing more than the island's folklore or story. There is no need to act so immaturely." he explained as Kikyo returned to her deck chair and picked up her women's gossip magazine.

"So there is no scary deity then?" Jaken asked, feeling incredibly relieved as he sat down on the sand and relaxed finally, "Phew."

* * *

A mysterious two-headed lizard watched from up on top of the volcano at the side of the crater, as the insane looking water imp slumped down onto the sand below and let out a sigh of relief. What a strange little thing he was, and rather interesting too. The creature smirked with both its heads and chuckled mentally, he would have to go and take a closer look at this small child minder who had come to visit his island. So with a quick swish of his tail, he was gone from the peak of the fiery mountain and speeding down the cliff-sides to the beaches down at the bottom.

* * *

With his fears of lava flows and divine punishment gone, Jaken skipped around the sands happily, "Under the seaaaaa! Under the seaaaaa!" he sung.

"You really like Disney's 'The Little Mermaid', don't you?" Rin asked as he mimicked a mermaid sitting on a rock and looking out intently to sea, waiting for his prince to come. He had shells on his chest as a bra and had wrapped Sesshomaru's green towel around his legs as a fish's tail (A/N: Sessh is so gonna kill him for that).

All of a sudden, five women wearing grass skirts, coconut bras and pineapples on their heads walked onto the large, beach stage and began to sing and dance. They were shaking their entire bodies and twirling around rapidly. Unable to control his excitement and anticipation, Jaken leapt up onto the stage and joined them, still wearing his mermaid costume. Sesshomaru noticed his green towel being used for such a stupid thing and frowned, but he had to control his anger for now, he couldn't just go up and beat Jaken to a pulp in front of this many people.. he would just wait until later when he could hide his unconscious body in a trash bin or something.

But it wasn't long until Jaken realized that he needed a bathroom break rather badly, but unwilling to leave the stage and his new fame behind: he held it in. However, after dancing hard and long, his bladder was at the bursting point and he found himself unable to hold it in for any longer! So he relaxed his body and let out a relieved sigh.

The Hula dancers all stepped back in disgust at what had just taken place before their eyes, and some even fainted.

Down in the audience, Rin looked at the dripping puddle at the imp's feet and turned to Kohaku, "Hey, brother? Did mister Jaken go into the sea to play and not dry off properly?" she asked.

"No, why?" he asked in confusion.

She cringed as she covered her face with her hands in humiliation, "Uh oh. I think he might have gone and wet himself again because his trousers look very sticky and soggy." she replied after a pause.

Sesshomaru's keen ears easily detected what Rin and Kohaku were saying as he rose to his feet rather suddenly and cracked his knuckles loudly, causing everyone to turn and stare at his standing figure. "If he has _dared_ to embarrass me like this, I shall give him something to really spill urine in his clothes for." he snarled, narrowing his eyes at the imp on stage.

"It is a shame that we ran out of emergency diapers yesterday." Kikyo said sadly as she shook her head. Even Rin and Kohaku were more toilet trained than Jaken.

Sesshomaru walked over to the stage and grabbed Jaken by the scruff of his neck, "Your punishment for this screw-up of yours shall be to travel to the nearest store and purchase some more diapers for your little.. accident." he scowled, "But that is not all.. you must travel there in the dampened clothing you are wearing at this moment in time."

Jaken shrieked in horror at the order and threw a huge temper tantrum on the stage, causing everyone to laugh at how childish he acted. And when he was finally finished and Sesshomaru had been given a headache, he stood up and walked over to the store in his dripping wet underwear. Now this was going to be embarrassing.

When he finally arrived at the convenience store, he walked in quickly and looked in the babies section for diapers. But much to his horror, there were no boy ones left… only girls DryNites! He was _really_ going to regret this but he didn't really have a choice. Why did all theses bad things happen to him? Why not someone else? ANYONE else but him? It wasn't fair.

He slowly approached the counter and put the female diapers on the desk, trying to hide his face in the hope he would not be recognized in the future by whoever was selling him the baby underwear.

The lady smiled down at him and took the packet from him, "Good afternoon, sir. Are these for your little sister?" she asked kindly.

He paused, "No… they're for me."

"Oh." she stuttered in embarrassment, "I'm so very sorry miss, I thought for sure that you were a man."

Jaken gasped at her statement! She thought he was a girl! The nerve of her! He was absolutely, positively 100% male! "Excuse me, ma'am! But I am a MAN, just to let you know!" he shouted up at her.

She was rather alarmed at this, "Oh! Forgive me, _sir_! But why are you buying girl's diapers if you are a boy?" she asked in a worried voice.

"MAYBE BECAUSE I WANT TO! DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?" he screamed, making everyone in the store stare at him because of his loud shriek.

"No I just…" she started before looking down at his stained bottoms. "Oh, I can see why you need them now!" she shouted in realization.

Jaken's round face went as red as a tomato when everyone in the store laughed at his wet trousers and pulled out their phones to take pictures and videos which they planned to upload to Facebook, Twitter and YouTube later on.

He frowned at the lady behind the counter and sighed heavily, "Please just sell me the diapers."

* * *

When he arrived back at the beach, Sesshomaru, Kikyo, Rin and Kohaku were all playing with HIS volleyball, without even asking for his permission! Kohaku hit the ball with some force and it fell in the sea. Since it was rather far away and being the lazy people that they were, they all looked over at Jaken, who was now wearing his fresh new nappy and grinned.

"NO!" Jaken screamed, "I REFUSE TO DO YOUR DIRTY WORK ALL OF THE TIME! I AM A _CHILD_ MINDER, NOT A MAID!"

Sesshomaru picked him up with one hand and growled at him, "You need to work on your attitude, _nanny_." he hissed as he threw the imp into the sea like a baseball, "Perhaps a quick dip will help you with your problem."

"Come back with the ball please!" Kikyo shouted as he plummeted into the blue waters and made a big splash.

When he returned, he was covered in bruises, seaweed and had crabs attached to him. He threw the ball to Kohaku and slumped down on a rock in exhaustion. His new diaper was wet-through like the rest of him… but it was yellow. Sesshomaru picked up a nearby rock and threw it as hard as he could. For a professional nanny recommended by the newspaper, Jaken really needed some work. Hopefully this little vacation would help knock him into shape, or out of it... whatever.

But little did Jaken know was he was being watched again. The two-headed lizard from before was lurking in the forest beside the beach and smirking in amusement. It was time for some fun.

* * *

**Thank you for reading the chapter! Review if you enjoyed it and see you next time when the mysterious two-headed lizard's identity will be revealed! Bet you can guess who it is already ;)**


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